Wednesday, April 16, 2008


Teresa is one of my best friends. She came into my life just when I needed a friend like her. It can't be an easy job for a person to befriend another in deep mourning. She wrote me emails everyday, and drove 100 miles to bring me chocolate cake.

She has been not only my friend but my sister and my mother. She finds way's everyday to remind me that I am here for a reason, that I am not alone, and that I am loved.

She convinced me to go to Disneyland after Stevie left. Anyone who knows me, knows I hate Disneyland. OK I am not human, whatever. I was having a hard time leaving the house at the time, a really hard time. I don't know how she did it but a week later I was driving my big red Nitro to Anaheim to hang out with Mickey.

It was the best thing for me and Noah. We were both hurting and he was missing his mommy. I was having a difficult time connecting, and believe it or not a difficult time being in love with my kids, I was so afraid of the power of that love.

This trip was all about Noah and I connecting. We got up early and got on rides,
ate candy apples and hung out until the park closed to watch the fireworks. We played until I was physically exhausted.

I remember having a sword fight while waiting for the monorail to take us back to the hotel. Noah put his sword down and said, "Who are you and what did you do with my Mom" I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time.

(Noah has never known a time when his sister was not sick. There were weeks when he did not see me because I was at the hospital. He stayed with Stevie and I in Atherton while she had treatment at Stanford that last time, he went with us to the hospital everyday.)

When we got back to the hotel Teresa made me tea and washed out my bloody clothes (feminine protection failure) and put me to bed. She told me how proud she was of me and what a good mom I was.

I don't think she really understands what she did for me that summer.

She will be here on Saturday, she will drive the 100 miles even though Passover is Sunday and she has a million things to do.

What do you say or do or give to a person who holds you together, who shows up when it is darkest and most sad, who gives and gives and gives?

I guess you say Thank you and I love you.

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