The Legend of Blue Bonnet

I had night full of dreams when I woke at five there was this feeling that Stevie was in my dreams but I couldn't find her, the dreams drifted away into a forgetting place too quickly.

Getting back to sleep is never easy but I grounded myself, surrounded myself with white light and asked Stevie to talk to me.

The dream I had was of a blue car. I was riding in it with my Friend Iva. She had decorated it with big blue flowers for her daughters graduation. Her daughter Briana was still alive (she died shortly after Stevie in real life) Iva was telling me that the car was much nicer when she gave it to Briana and now it was a typical messy teen-ager car. I rolled down the window and one of the flowers began to fall of so I grabbed it before it blew away. It was a big blue tulip.

It was crowded in the car and on my lap was a big fat baby girl. She had a slobbery face and baby hands. I put her in her car seat and she was not happy about that. I began talking to her in baby talk and she talked back. She told me that Stevie told her a secret in her pillow. I thought to myself how could she have talked to Stevie.

Then I looked to my left and there was Stevie in the back seat with us. I said "Stevie did you tell her a story?" and Stevie answered "Yep, you know the one, the Blue Bonnet story" A picture of a field of lupine was in my mind as I remembered the book.

I spoke with Stevie for a few minutes, I can't remember the rest of the conversation I was too busy just looking at her lips move and taking in the beauty of that face I miss so much. In this dream she was younger, maybe thirteen. Her hair was blond then and she had the sweetest cheeks.

As soon as I remembered that she had died she disappeared.

When I woke from the dream I went into Noah's room to find the book. I keep books. The kids just pass them down, in our family books are important. The kids books tell their own story but they also tell the story of our family. My kids scribbled in them, some were favorites, some were potty training books, some were books bought to cheer you up.

This book was given to Stevie a thousand Christmas mornings ago. I bought it for her because when she was little she loved DePAOLA he wrote a book about pancakes and one called Strega Nona. Strega Nona was actually delivered to my door the week after Stevie died. She had ordered it, I don't know why.

I never read The Legend Of Blue Bonnet. Stevie was reading well by the time she got it and Noah never asked for me to read it. I did find it on his shelf though and I went back to bed and read it to him this morning.

It is about a little girl whose tribe is dying because there has been no rain. The great spirits tell the shaman that the tribe must give up it's most valued posses ions as a burnt offering in order to end the famine. The little girl is the only one who brings an offering to the fire that night. She brings her doll. This doll is her most valued possession because it is all she has left to remember her family. The girl is called "She-Who-Is-Alone because her whole family has died.

In the morning blue lupine cover the hills where she spread the ashes of her offering and the great spirits ended the famine.

This is a story told to explain why every spring blue lupine cover the hills of Texas. It is a promise, forgiveness and selflessness.

I am sitting here in tears, at the end of the story the tribe re-names the girl, she is called "One-Who-Dearly-Loved-Her-People"

I can think of a million reasons why I had the dream and read the book but I don't think I have figured out the one reason yet.

The yellow tulips and daffs Stevie and I planted are pushing through the frozen ground in our backyard. Spring is coming...