July

Stevie,

It is the fourth of July. We are staying home. We invited the neighbors over to jump on the trampoline, grill stuff and set things on fire when the sun goes down.

I know you didn't like this holiday. You had a dream that Aly caught on fire and it scared you so badly that you wanted us to stop doing fireworks and go to the movies instead. We didn't, instead Dad and his family just kept blowing things up. You sat inside with a video.

I love fireworks in the sky but like you I was frightened of the light-it-yourself stuff. I usually stayed inside with you or kept an eye on the boys from a lawn chair across the street with Sarah.

The food we will be serving will not be the food I will eat. Noah wanted Jello and hot dogs, baked beans and potato salad. I am trying to make this a good day for him. He has had a pretty crappy summer, he needs a good day.

Pink Sky was just delivered last night six big boxes full of our books. I will start shipping them out tomorrow. I can't believe how real they are. They would have never happened if it were not for you.

Stay with me sweet girl, when you can, if you can. Don't let me trap you, hold you here when you need to be doing something else. I swear I can feel you around me sometimes. I am not sure if I am going crazy, if I am just trying to survive or if it is real, it sure feels real.

Last night I was laying in your bed thinking about you and I whispered "Good night Stevie"

Just as I did dads cell phone made that you-have-a-message-tone from somewhere in the house.

I laughed then said "Geez you work quick, you are getting good at this, I love you bunny"

Then another tone just as I finished bunny.

I said , "hey how can I know that is you?" just then Dad turned the light on and off very quickly in his room.

I laughed again and said, "this is weird, is it really you?" He turned the light on and off again.

I felt so stupid, crazy and happy all at the same time.

I said "thank you baby I love you"

Just as I finished saying that the stop watch in your closet went off.

I fell asleep with a smile on my face and a heart full of you.

I will be looking up in the sky for you tonight, send me a shooting star.