Monday, May 12, 2008

Tale of the pink pony

I was talking to Stevie several days ago, yammering away in the car. I gave her a list of all the things that remind me of her and that I will always consider a sign or a message from her. The list was not very long but very important. They were specific objects or songs. Everything reminds me of her every day, all day but this list is very specific.

The next day I was listening to a book on tape in my studio while I was working and everyone of those of those things showed up in the book. I kept smiling all the way through. Most people would call that a sign and be done with it but I am cynical and greedy and told her "I am going to give you one object, a random object, like you use to do at Christmas time, find it Stevie, put it in my path, then I will know that you are still real, still here, just like Santa stayed real as long as I (he) could find that obscure gift you requested."

What came to mind was a pink pony so that is what I told her I needed.

A couple days went by, no pony.

Yesterday (mothers day) We went to Berkeley, to a neighborhood both Stevie and I love. There is a huge and very popular Pete's coffee, a book store, old diner, good shopping and live music. For mothers day I wanted to be there, have a Tamal Verdura, visit Castle in the air, take Noah to The Ark toy store, have a cupcake and later go to Fondue Fred's on Telegraph.

It felt good to being doing all of these things but my heart was missing my girl, wishing she was there doing all of this too.

We went into the toy store, Noah was very happy he wanted everything but settled for a tube that stretches and makes farting noises. The Ark carries toys you can't find in other places, fantasy toys, wooden trucks, Waldorf dolls, old fashioned tin robots etc...

I was walking around in the baby area because I like the toys there best when I noticed on a shelf right in front of me sat a little pony. It was not a pink pony, she was white with a pink a purple mane. She did have a tiny pink heart. I knew she did not belong to the store because it was a "My little Pony" and this store does not carry mainstream products. I know this was a "My little Pony" because Stevie loved them and once owned a pink one with a mane you could brush.

A child must have left it behind, but it was on a shelf a small child could not reach. My heart was beating fast. I tried to explain it to Steve and Aly but they couldn't understand. This is the kind of thinking that they both don't relate too.

I went up to pay for our purchases after a little more shopping, I kept the pony in my sweaty hand. I was thinking to Stevie "Oh Stevie I want to believe you did this but it is a toy in a toy store and it isn't pink, I don't mean to be an ass but I need one more little thing to let me know".

It was finally my turn to pay (the line was long, busy day) and I asked the clerk if this little pony was theirs and he said, "No way" I put it into my purse, grabbed my wallet, pulled out my debit card, dropped my debit card, went to pick it back up off the counter and there on the counter was a box of bandages... Pink unicorn bandages.

Stevie's unicorn stage was playing in my mind, the pony with the pink heart in my purse, the pink unicorns...I had to walk outside to cry. I knew she was there. Steve said, "Hey isn't it weird the pony thing happened on mothers day?"

We went to Temescal and I sat on a bench facing the water, a bench Stevie and I sat on a dozen times. I missed her but I knew she was not too far away.

We went to Fondue Fred's and I placed the little pony in the middle of the table, so Stevie would know we were thinking of her. At some point during dinner everyone had picked it up and held if for a second, I am not sure they noticed.

Thank you sweet made my day, I love you so much, so very much...



turquoise cro said...

I thought of YOU yesterday! My Gina was sitting in the bath tub at least 2 different times of Mother's Day day! scared! I think in the back of her mind she's thinking home, coming home! I got happy news in the morning of Mother's Day of my brother and his wife getting to come in for my son's wedding maybe(ticket problems)and then being scared for Gina! Tornados and wacky weather seem to be everywhere this year! Do you know what made me happiest this week-end last?! A little bluebird!!! I saw one living in an old fence post out at mom and dad's place on mom's birthday which was Saturday!He or she flew out of the post and up in a tree! Isn't that something all of that happened for YOU? The book, the pony, the unicorn bandages? Did Stevie like yellow canaries? I know, but when YOU said that list, that's what came to mind! tee hee Well, I've got to go dear sweet G! Love and prayers for YOU and the family, that's FUNny what Noah wanted and I HOPE Aly is healing better too! xo, Cinda

Anonymous said...

Dear Gina,
I am glad that Stevie is still letting you know she is near. 12 years ago today I began this jouney, I hope that I will have your faith when I reach your stage in it. Prayers always, Julie, Emily's mom