Monday, May 9, 2011

Here we are...


It was a beautiful day...my family gave me flowers (purple petunias for the garden) , Candy ( a hand packed box from See's), and we spent the day wearing pajamas, soaking in the hot tub, eating a super big breakfast with banana pancakes and mango jalapeno sausages. The we went to Berkeley for dinner to Cafe Colucci for some Ethiopian food (yummiest). But this morning I got my real present.

At 11:30 am I had two embryos transferred.

The morning started off nice, a long shower, a bagel at a little place on College, a long walk through a flower filled neighborhood, the houses on Webster always make me smile. I drank the water, took the pills, got the injection and in two minutes it was done.

I then went for a little drive, ended up in Orinda and had a big mango and chicken salad while I sat outside and scribbled in my journal. On my way home I stopped at the cemetery and left a Republic of Cake cupcake for Stevie, a Meyer lemon with rosemary frosting (heavenly).

Home for a nap, made dinner, now I wait.

I feel good about this. Not sure it worked good but at peace with what ever the outcome will be. I had to be in a lot of places to find this place and its good.

There is a Jason Mraz song that is perfect for this moment...

Here we are, here we are, we're still here,
What a beautiful mess this is...
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes.
Through timeless words and priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds not of this earth,
and tides they turn and hearts disfigure
but that's no concern when we are wounded together.
and we tore our dresses and stained our shirts
but it's nice today
oh, the wait was so worth it.


The song is called Beautiful mess and I think he wrote if just for me...

I am full, happy, excited, tired and it is time for me to rest, sleep, dream.

Stevie find me tell me you got the cupcake, I love you.

3 comments:

Olivia said...

Here we go....

senbazuru said...

I thought of you last month, as I found myself administering a shot for the very first time in my life to another mother I'd met in Memphis. I met her when Steven and I were there for MRI's, her baby girl was diagnosed with ATRT at only 12 weeks of age.

Her sweet baby girl passed away a couple of weeks after her first birthday.

Another sweet St. Jude friend, another little girl 6 years old, passed away in San Diego May 10. The St. Jude mother flew out from Texas for her memorial services, but timing was such that she'd just had an in-vitro transfer 4 days before she flew out to CA. I gave the progesterone shot because her hubby couldn't come and she needed someone to do it.

I was very freaked out at the prospect of that big needle, but actually it was really easy, I needn't have worried.

The tears of saying goodbye to sweet Claire, another St. Jude patient, were softened by the news after the other mom got back home that she's pregnant, waiting to find out if it's one or two.

So I wish such blessings on you, although we all know we don't get to choose how things go.

Sending my love.

senbazuru said...

I'm going to suggest the mom who just got pregnant to you as a friend on Facebook. You can decide if you want to respond or not, I suspect you may have some inkling of the result by now??

More love...