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Twenty two years ago I gave birth to a little girl.

For nineteen years she let me love her and she tenderly loved me back.

Today I watched the sunset over Mt.Diablo as I placed fresh fruit and an armful of beautiful yellow tulips (yes, real tulips in September, thank you Teresa) on her grave. It was quiet and calm and a family of deer came down the hill and danced on the lawn looking for blossoms to nibble. I knew once I left tulips would be desert.

I love thinking of the two little fawns tasting flowers, apples, and pears as the sun turned from pink to that bruisy blue. Stevie would love to be surrounded with such sweetness.

My heart is full of things to say but I think tonight I will keep all those words in my heart.

The night sky is indigo now, and there is a crescent moon, a wishing moon and I wished my girl a happy birthday...I wanted to wish her home, wish me were ever she was but I simply wished her love on a day I will never forget, a day that changed me forever.

Stevie,

I love you, I love you, I love you...if you were here I would bake you a giant chocolate cake an put a million candles on it. If you were here I would kiss you until you begged me to stop. If you were here I would ask you question after question and hold you so tight you could never leave again.

I don't know where you are lovey I just pray everyday that in that sacred place you have found you are floating in a sea of bliss.

I am opening windows, it worked for Mrs.Darling, I am hoping you will come home after you awfully long adventure.

Don't be too far away...

Mama